Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Top 10 reasons I make a terrible pancreas for Norah

It was once said that I will eventually make a great pancreas..... but here are the top 10 reasons I never will

#1) I'm not attached to Norah's body, although many parents would like to be attached at their child's hip (near the pancreas)  I do not want to nor will I ever be attached to Norah's body, especially internally.

#2)  I have hair and a face and I'm not a slimy organ


#3) I have emotions, which I think most pancreas' are lacking, which is good, because sometimes I base my daughters insulin dosage to quickly on my emotions

#4) I inflict pain on my daughter. Somehow a pancreas can release insulin without doing that, sheesh

#5) I'm only right about 20% of the time......
was it food?
is it hormones?
did I mis-calculate?
is her pump sight bad?
Is that a protein spike?
or there is the often, "I have no idea"

I think a functioning pancreas has a tad more accuracy

#6) I like to sleep for about 8 hours a night, which makes being a pancreas very hard when my brain is off!
  Pancreas' they usually run 24/7.

#7)  I lack patience and want to get Norahs blood sugar down NOW, often times giving her to much insulin and then causing a scarey low blood sugar. 
 Pancreas' must have the most amazing patience and know exactly the right timing of releasing the hormone insulin.

#8 ) I can only give Norah synthetic insulin,
 and believe me, the real deal is way more efficient and doesn't take 2 hours to kick in!

#9)  I will not be around Norah forever.  
She will grow.  
I will have to train her and She will have to learn to take control of this disease and know how to manage it. 
 I'm pretty sure a real pancreas doesn't train others on its job, otherwise I would be the first in line!

#10) I am not a mathematician, which is apparently is a pancreas' 2nd job

I guess one thing I have in common with Norah's current pancreas is that we are both broken and flawed.  Trying to function, but often malfunctioning. Maybe there is a miracle in store for both of us someday.

In people with type 1 diabetes, the pancreas cannot make insulin. This vital hormone helps the body's cells convert sugar into energy. Without it, sugar builds up in the blood and can reach dangerous levels. To avoid life-threatening complications, people with type 1 diabetes must take some form of insulin for their entire lives.
There is no specifically known cause.
There is NO cure.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

joy sucker

I've never been that good in the kitchen.

I can cook, but I'm a recipe/ruler follower type of cook.
I'm not good at making up my own things, adding ingredients, or being creative.

It's kind of like I am in life, the rule following, not really creative type (all my good ideas come from other people).

I have never disliked cooking, and at times I have really enjoyed finding new recipes, and baking things, especially on cold winter days.  And one of my favorite thing to do in life is have people over for dinner, seriously, my favorite.

but recently the joy of cooking at all has been completely sucked out of me, especially baking.
I hate that I feel this way. 
Baking is currently is a task for survival.  I have to cook a lot from scratch for Norah.  This is how we best manage her diabetes.  no sugar, starches, or grains.
It's work.  It's not creative.  Or fun.  Or even all that tasty. And it's expensive.

Christmas season was hard.  A lot of the usual Christmas baking didn't happen. I attempted to modify a cookie recipe so Norah could have it, and well...... like I said I'm not good at creativity...
I usually make something special for Christmas morning breakfast, that didn't happen either.

 Every ounce of my extra cooking time goes into making Norahfied sugar free/grain free bagels, crackers, cereal, granola, and cupcakes, using pounds of coconut and almond flour.  I can't even remember the last time I baked normal cookies for my family

So I did today

I'm tired of life trying to suck the joy out of me, and last year was a real joy sucker.

So I pulled Levi and Sarah up to the counter and we baked my mom's famous chocolate chip cookie bars.

With white flour and brown sugar, all things totally bad and delicious, full of lots of sugar, gluten, and carbs!

I let them lick it from the spatula
so delicious Levi can't even keep his eyes open

And have a cookie for lunch
And get chocolate everywhere

And it was great

(just don't tell Norah)

Even as I sit here right now and blog, I'm enjoying this delicious chocolate Gooiness

Despite the work that goes into making healthier foods, not just for Norah but all of us, it is way easier than managing the stressful and scarey roller coaster of blood sugars that would happen if Norah ate anything she wanted. And I know that the hard work now, will help her have a healthier future.

I enjoy blogging to, and diabetes sucked the joy out of that too.  So here's to more cooking, blogging and doing a few things I like every now and again.

P.S.  I got a Kitchen Aide for Christmas!  I have wanted one for 10 years.  It took a small village to get me one $$$, but I'm so grateful.  Hoping it will help!

Sunday, January 4, 2015

best of 2014

My favorite photos usually come from when we are outside and when we travel!
It's the scenery change
It's that I have my camera out more
It's that it's not home....

I look forward to those times and remembering them.

Here's to remembering my favorites of 2014

mr. mischievous 

the girl who could melt a heart of stone 

the dreamer 

the girl with big ambitions


my 4 pack

Mr. G.Q

favorite indoor shot of the year levi5months3

the water... 4th201410 vail15

but sometimes my favorite photos just capture something in time, not necessarily happynorah2
but something to remember..... those who came memorial1

those who love
  those times we just let go

 the friendships we share balloonclassic1 camping2 friends copy cousins1

the memories we make
 happyapple3 happyapple
 the moments that are just right
 levi10months copy vail7 4th201412

and somehow captured perfectly 4th20142 levi7month thanksgiving12 steamboat2 halloween4 steamboat3 halloween3 thanksgiving7

and then there are those few unexplainable moments, that top the year vail1 thanksgiving8 california14 that leave you happy daffodil2 pick up a camera. Take a photo. you won't regret it.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Annual Christmas Video (2014)

We have had a very busy season!
 Merry Christmas to your all, check out our annual Christmas video!

Thursday, December 11, 2014

4 years

Dear Carrisa,

4 years now....
I'm hoping that closes that gap on when we will see each other next, because it seems a little to far from our last visit, don't you think?

 It's December 11th, your heaven day.   Sometimes this day feels like the only day where I really get to sit down and think of you and mourn you.... yes although you are fully healed and with Jesus, you are greatly missed here, incredibly so.

And as much as I would like to say that my day has been extraordinary or special or different or somehow profound, it has not.

I planned on waking the kids up early to take them to get donuts and balloons, you know to celebrate you!  I envisioned happy sequels and reminiscing of you, but it went something like this

At 12:15 am, Norah's blood glucose monitor goes off, saying her blood sugar is low, and no it is not a false alarm, she needed some sugar, quickly.

Maya wakes up with a bad dream, sobbing about having to leave her cousins house.

Morning comes and I forgot to move "Christmas tree" our elf  from the previous day, devastating!
Norah starts crying because she could not have her advent treat until the afternoon.

After going to the donut shop we went to get your balloons, but the floral department wasn't open, so the produce man had to help us get balloons, taking about 5 hours to blow each one up.  We are already seriously late for school, Sarah lets go of her balloon in the store, Levi is crying because he wants a balloon, Norah mysteriously cuts her head and needs a band-aide instantly and I can't get my camera to work to capture this awesome memory.

We get to our field to release your balloons and Sarah won't get out of the car because she wants to watch Elmo, Norah lets go of her balloon accidentally,  and Levi is headed toward the street. 
I'm feeling pretty good right now, you know everything is going awesome.

I somehow capture a photo
DSC_0616 DSC_0631 and then we send you your balloons, but cannot watch them go into the sky because it was so bloody bright outside

I still have to get the girls to school and Sarah is balling about not watching Elmo.  The crying continues into the school building, echoing through the halls and now I am 20 minutes late for my Dr. Appointment.

yep, it's Decemeber 11th and I hope you're laughing

because as much as this is not what I planned for my day, it is what God had in mind.

It's kind of like my life...not quite what I planned

Sis, sometimes I want things in life to be easy, I keep waiting for easy and waiting and waiting.....
But easy, is not what God has planned for me.
You know how when Dad and Darren died, people would say, " God won't give you more than you can handle"?  But the truth is, He does, He does give us more than we can handle so that we lean on Him.   And this year, once again has brought on incredible hardship, every single day is hard keeping Norah alive, balancing life, love, family and what is eternal, and every single day I have had to rely on Him.

 and then something else unplanned happened, well I'm sure you knew about it!

a knock at the door, a gift, a gift filled with love, the love from a body of believers. Tears were overflowing.  The Lord knew exactly what I needed.
It has been a long time since I have felt love from a body of believers, not just a member, but an entire body!

Carissa, I miss you everyday.  Even on the ones I don't have time to fully grieve.  I missed being able to call you to tell you that Brett passed his final CPA exam, and that I had been deeply hurt by a friend.   Or that Levi can zoombie walk now and that little Sarah told Brett " you don't have a heart."  And the Maya has already been to the orthodontist, shocker, I know, with our family history of teeth! It's the life moments.  And it is Norah.  So much Norah.  I can't wait for the two of you to meet again, both fully healed.

Love you sis,